The first ten seconds tell you exactly what joke this is, and then the groove makes you stop laughing.
Cue sheet
Bardcore R&B, medieval slow jam. Nylon-gut Renaissance lute plucking minor-ninth chords, viola da gamba walking bassline, tabor and frame drum swinging a laid-back backbeat, jingle-bell tambourine on the offbeat. 72 BPM, D minor. Warm stone-hall room reverb, light tape saturation, round low end. No synths, no drum machine. Smooth, sly seduction: the lute lags a hair behind the beat. [0:00-0:40] lute and gamba groove with tabor. [0:40-1:40] recorder melody enters. [1:40-2:30] tambourine doubles, chords thicken. [2:30-3:00] drums drop, lute and gamba vamp. Instrumental, no vocals.
The one that gets the whole banquet hall nodding before the wine even arrives.
Cue sheet
Renaissance new jack swing, bardcore funk. Harpsichord comping bright syncopated stabs, viola da gamba slap-plucked bass, tabor and hand clap swing beat, jingle-bell tambourine sixteenths, crumhorn riff. 88 BPM, F major. Dry medium hall, close-mic'd strings, warm tape. No synths, no electric instruments. Strutting confidence: the harpsichord answers the crumhorn in call and response. [0:00-0:30] harpsichord and tabor groove. [0:30-1:20] crumhorn hook enters. [1:20-2:10] gamba bass break, claps double. [2:10-3:00] full consort, crumhorn and recorder in unison. Instrumental, no vocals.
For when the joke lands badly and you sing about it anyway, slow and low.
Cue sheet
Quiet-storm bardcore, dark medieval R&B. Soprano recorder breathy lead, lute arpeggiating minor-seventh chords, viola da gamba bowed low drone and bass, frame drum soft brushed-hand backbeat. 64 BPM, A minor. Muffled, low-passed stone chamber reverb, tape hiss, heavy warm low end, no bright top. No synths, no tambourine. Wounded pride: the recorder bends each phrase flat at its end. [0:00-0:45] lute and bowed gamba. [0:45-1:45] frame drum and recorder enter. [1:45-2:30] gamba switches to plucked bass, groove deepens. [2:30-3:00] recorder alone over sustained gamba. Instrumental, no vocals.
The fool at his cheekiest, bouncing around the hall with a stick and a grin.
Cue sheet
Medieval funk, bardcore R&B groove. Crumhorn and shawm riffing in unison, lute chicken-scratch muted strums, viola da gamba syncopated plucked bass, tabor and jingle-bell tambourine tight backbeat, wooden spoons. 96 BPM, G minor. Dry, punchy room sound, close-mic'd, slight tape grit. No synths, no drum kit. Mischief: the tambourine keeps landing one sixteenth early. [0:00-0:30] tabor, spoons and gamba. [0:30-1:15] crumhorn riff enters. [1:15-2:00] breakdown, lute and spoons only. [2:00-3:00] everything returns, shawm takes a wild solo. Instrumental, no vocals.
Lights low, doublet unlaced, the jester's bedroom ballad.
Cue sheet
Renaissance slow jam, candlelit bardcore soul. Gothic harp rolling major-seventh chords, viola da gamba deep sustained bass, frame drum barely-there heartbeat backbeat, wordless falsetto hums in open vowels. 58 BPM, D minor. Close warm intimate chamber, candle-quiet, soft tape hiss, rolled-off highs. No tambourine, no reeds. Tender longing: the falsetto slides up into each chord like a sigh. [0:00-0:50] harp and gamba. [0:50-1:50] falsetto hums and frame drum enter. [1:50-2:40] lute doubles harp an octave lower. [2:40-3:00] modulation lift, falsetto holds one note. Wordless falsetto, no lyrics.
Somewhere between a peasant dance and a Friday night groove, and it works.
Cue sheet
Bardcore R&B, hurdy-gurdy soul. Hurdy-gurdy drone with buzzing trompette rhythm, lute plucking syncopated minor-seventh riff, tabor and pipe playing a swung two-step backbeat, viola da gamba bass. 80 BPM, B-flat major. Open village-square reverb, warm tape saturation, wooden resonance. No synths, no modern drums. Easy flirtation: the hurdy-gurdy buzz snaps on each backbeat. [0:00-0:40] hurdy-gurdy drone and tabor. [0:40-1:30] lute riff and gamba. [1:30-2:20] pipe melody over full groove. [2:20-3:00] fades down to tabor and trompette buzz. Instrumental, no vocals.
The morning after the feast, head heavy, groove still going.
Cue sheet
Lazy medieval neo-soul, hungover bardcore. Lute strumming loose ninth chords behind the beat, viola da gamba sliding bass, frame drum and finger-cymbal dragging backbeat, harpsichord sparse lazy fills. 68 BPM, D minor. Muffled, dim hall, heavy tape wobble, low-passed, thick low end. No reeds, no jingles. Groggy contentment: the frame drum drags audibly late every bar. [0:00-0:40] lute and gamba loop. [0:40-1:30] frame drum and finger cymbal join. [1:30-2:20] harpsichord fills, tape wobble deepens. [2:20-3:00] drums fall out, gamba slide sustains. Instrumental, no vocals.
The apology song, sung with the whole court finally on his side.
Cue sheet
Bardcore gospel-R&B, Renaissance choir soul. Wordless choir in open vowels swelling behind, lute strumming bright sus chords, viola da gamba driving bass, tabor and jingle-bell tambourine full backbeat, cornett lead. 92 BPM, F major. Large chapel reverb, warm tape, rich low mids. No synths, no drum kit. Grateful relief: the choir answers every cornett phrase. [0:00-0:30] lute, tabor and gamba groove. [0:30-1:20] cornett melody enters. [1:20-2:20] wordless choir swells, tambourine doubles. [2:20-3:00] key lifts, full consort and choir peak. Wordless choir, no lyrics.
The strange one, like hearing the fool sing through a keyhole down a long stone corridor.
Cue sheet
Slowed-and-reverb bardcore, midnight medieval R&B. Spinet playing slurred minor-ninth chords, lute harmonics, viola da gamba sub-low bowed bass, frame drum muffled distant backbeat, pitched-down wordless hum. 76 BPM, A minor. Cavernous stone corridor reverb, heavy tape warble, muffled, low-passed, no top end. No bells, no reeds. Uneasy intimacy: the spinet detunes slowly as if the tape is melting. [0:00-0:50] spinet and gamba. [0:50-1:40] frame drum and hum enter far off. [1:40-2:30] lute harmonics, warble deepens. [2:30-3:00] pitch sinks a semitone, drum stops. Wordless hum, no lyrics.
When everyone has gone to bed and he plays one more for himself.
Cue sheet
Solo bardcore soul, late-night Renaissance ballad. Nylon-gut lute fingerpicking seventh chords, viola da gamba soft bowed bass, frame drum brushed with fingertips, soprano recorder distant. 62 BPM, D minor. Small empty hall, close-mic'd, audible finger noise, tape hiss. No tambourine, no choir. Contented solitude: the lute rubato loosens as the drum thins. [0:00-0:45] lute and gamba with fingertip drum. [0:45-1:40] recorder melody drifts in. [1:40-2:30] gamba bow drops out, lute carries the bass. [2:30-3:00] lute ends on an unresolved ninth chord. Instrumental, no vocals.